Arachnophobia
by Blissful-Web
Summary: Kira experiences one of Those Days at the office. Heavily implied GinRan towards the end.


A/N: I wrote this story using the theme Fear from AltoidRck's Chrysanthemums Under Silver Shadows. The thought of Gin having a nasty little fear of spiders was just too tempting, especially when you threw dear little Kira-kun and Ran-chan into the mix as well!

Enjoy and Review guys! This is my first attempt at humor so please be gentle!

**Disclaimer:** Bleach belongs to Tite Kubo.

* * *

Arachnophobia

When Kira Izuru was woken up this morning by a high-pitched scream, he should've known today was going to be one of _Those Days._

"IZURU!"

With a yelp of surprise, he tumbled out of bed, grunting slightly as he made impact with the cold, hardwood floor.

"Ow! Geez, what in the…?"

Picking himself up slowly into a kneeling position, Kira stared at the door, partly wondering and partly hoping he had just imagined that shriek of terror.

They were immediately dashed when he heard a stampede of feet coming towards his room.

Kira sat frozen on his carpet as dread quietly began filling him like a water balloon. He had a feeling that whatever came through that door would not be particularly good to his mental well-being.

His furniture was shaking from the vibrations and it had even gotten to the point where a small cup of brushes actually fell off his desk. They rolled blithely around Kira's knees but he didn't have time to pick them up.

He didn't even have time to _blink_ before what seemed to be the whole division came bursting into his room.

It took all of Kira's sheer will and discipline to hold down his scream when black sleeves suddenly exploded from behind the door. Elbows and legs poured over the edge and tripped over each other.

Kira watched with a certain terrified amazement as a large mess of limbs and faces quickly spilled pass the jambs, before coming to a stand-still two inches from his knees.

Immediately, his room was filled with a garble of unintelligible words.

To his credit, Kira actually sat there for a good moment or two vainly trying to process the series of events that had just unfolded in his room, before wisely deciding he was better off not questioning these sort of things.

"What? What did you say? One at a time, guys. Just stop for minute, stop," he tried placating, but had to eventually yell over the noise himself to be heard, "STOP!"

Immediately, a hushed silence was cast over the room.

"Okay, let's start over," Kira said calmly, though more than a little frazzled as he stared down at the dogpile of subordinates, "I want someone to _slowly _tell me what's going on."

He looked around for a moment before tapping delicately at a hand sticking out in front, "Please go ahead."

"Yes, sir!" came the muffled but honored reply from somewhere inside, "Kira-fukutaichou, some—"

"It was terrible, sir!" another voice suddenly blurted.

The hand twitched, "Hey, shut the hell up! He asked me!"

A foot twitched to Kira's left, "I was just saying! Quit being a bastard!"

Kira sent the foot a reprimanding look, before he even realized what he was doing.

Unfortunately, the Third Division shinigami were practically notorious for their domino effect. (It sometimes made Kira wonder how they managed to get any information through at all).

"Kira-fukutaichou some—"

"We don't know what to do anymore!"

"Kira-fukutaichou something is—"

"We tried everything!"

"KIRA-FUKUTAICHOU SOMETHING IS—"

"He won't tell us what's wrong!"

"I've never seen Taichou so—"

"KIRA-FUKUTAICHOUSOMETHINGISWRONGWITHICHIMARU-TAICHOUANDHEWON'TTELLUSWHATSOCANYOUPLEASECOME!"

There was silence again, the only sound being of heavy, angry breathing coming from somewhere within.

For a moment, Kira only stared, before slowly raising his hand to calm his hair, which had been blown askew by the sheer volume of the man's voice.

"See?" he said, in a slightly chiding tone at the heap, "If you just let one person explain the situation then we wouldn't have all of these prob…"

The words died in his mouth.

"W-Wait, what was that about the captain?"

The words had barely left his mouth when a name rang out across the barracks in a loud shriek, rattling the very foundation of the building. Kira felt his stomach plummet. There was only one person he knew that ever used that name.

"IZURU!"

The division members screamed as Kira barreled straight through them and out the room.

* * *

Excluding shunpo, Kira wasn't sure he'd ever moved so fast in his life.

Wincing, he muttered out apologies to no one in particular as division members dived out of his way, but didn't slow down for even a second.

The only thing he needed to focus on right now was getting to his captain.

Whatever could make a man like his captain scream with such raw fear and desperation had to be something beyond possible imagination.

The thought sent a long, awful shiver down his spine and by the time he skidded to a stop in front of the office door, Kira had already broken into a cold sweat.

_Alright, get it together Kira, _he thought, taking two deep breaths, _Remember, whatever it is, jab for Taichou, protect the eyes, and save the paperwork at all costs._

A pause.

_No, no wait! Rearrange that!_ Kira shook his head wildly from side to side, as if it would somehow help, _What is wrong with me? I can't believe I just chose paperwork over my own captain! How despicable, how shameful! You don't deserve to serve under Ichimaru-taichou, Kira Izuru! Oh, if Otou-san knew about this…_

Then the aforementioned captain swiftly interrupted his mental put-down.

"IT'S THERE, IT'S THERE! ON THE WALL! DO YA SEE IT? STOP LOOKING AND KILL IT! KILL IT!"

A squeaky affirmative was heard from inside before the sound of hurried footsteps ran across the room. Kira practically jumped out of his skin at the loud crash that thundered from behind the door, and clutched at his heart in horror when the shattering of something undoubtedly expensive followed.

"Did ya get it?"

"I…I'm not sure, sir. Oh crap, this is coming out of my salary isn't it?"

"How can ya not be sure? Are there smashed up entrails smeared across the wall or not?"

"Well, um, there's a little bit."

"A lil' bit? How can there be a lil' bit?"

"It's not really a smear, Taichou. Actually I think it might just be an old stain…"

"…"

"…_Is_ this coming out of my salary, sir? I'm already a little in debt as it is…"

"Eh, probably. Are ya sure ya even hit it? It could've fell or somethin'.

"But, sir! They said if I don't pay up soon, they're going to cut off my toes!"

"What do yer toes have ta do with anythin' right now? I just wanna know if it's dead!"

"B-but, Taichou…my _toes_! How am I suppose to fight if I can't even walk?"

"Oh suck it up! It's not like yer seated anyway, won't even matter."

"I'm your _Third Seat, _Ichimaru-taichou!"

"…I 'ave a Third Seat?"

"What the…? It's been _four _years, how could you…! _Yes_, Taichou, yes, you have a Third Seat."

"Well in tha' case, welcome ta the Third Division! What's yer name?"

"But, I've already…" Sigh. "My name is—"

"WHAT WAS THAT? I JUST SAW SOMETHIN' MOVIN'!"

"What? Where?"

"RIGHT THERE! NEAR YER FEET! OH GOD, IT'S ALIVE! IT'S STILL ALIVE! IZURU! IZURU!"

"C-calm down, sir!"

"YA CALM DOWN! WHAT KINDA THIRD SEAT CAN'T EVEN KILL A--! _IT'S COMIN' TOWARDS ME! _NO, NO, _GET AWAY!" _

There was the ominous sound of metal.

"_What are you doing Ichimaru-taichou?!_ N-No! Please wait, sir! Please don't use—"

"IKOROSE, SHIN—"

Kira slid the door open so fast he practically knocked it off its hinges.

"Taichou!" he yelled, bursting forth, before immediately stopping at the threshold.

Looking back on that day some odd years later, he still couldn't be sure why he had expected anything more than the scene he saw.

Kira had run in expecting some apocalyptic evil ensnaring his captain in its wretched clutches.

What he found instead was the sparkly remains of a morbidly expensive vase, the Third Seat cowering behind a broom, and his captain standing on a chair with Shinso aimed at the man's feet.

"…"

"Izuru!" Gin cried, turning to look at him with an unusual frown, his slit eyes furrowed in panic.

"Kira-fukutaichou!" the Third Seat also cried, practically in tears, "Oh thank goodness, sir!"

"What's…" Kira started reluctantly, before stopping for a moment and sighing, "What's the matter?"

"I was just walking by when I heard Taichou scream, so I came in and found him standing on his chair. I've been trying to help him k—"

"IT'S MOVIN' AGAIN!"

The Third Seat and Kira both jumped at their captain's sudden shriek. Turning to Gin, Kira quickly followed where his zanpakuto was pointing, determined to find out what exactly was frightening his captain so badly.

It led him to a small spider about the size of his fingernail.

Kira blinked once. Than twice. Than thrice for good measure. The spider scuttled around the vase shards and disappeared under his desk.

"Taichou," he turned back to his terrified captain, "It's a spider."

Gin nodded fervently in agreement, "I know! It was actually on my desk this mornin' too!"

Whatever previous feelings of dread Kira still had immediately evaporated.

"Okay," Kira breathed to himself and walked over to the Third Seat.

"You're dismissed now," he told the bewildered man, before glancing at the pile of vase near their feet, "We'll talk about the expenses later."

The Third Seat gulped, but nodded and bowed, before looking hesitantly at the broom in his hand.

"Um, do you need…?"

Kira sighed quietly, and took the broom.

"Get going."

"Yes, sir. Please excuse me, Ichimaru-taichou, Kira-fukutaichou," he said, deliberately walking in an arc around Gin's desk, as the man's sword was still trained alarmingly on his feet.

Kira watched as the door slid shut quickly behind him, before a long audibly relieved sigh was heard from the other side.

Shaking his head, he looked up at his captain, whose sword was now pointed at a random spot on the floor. A sudden wave of nervousness flooded him despite himself. Regardless of how many times he's seen it, Shinso always appeared ten times sharper up close.

"Taichou, I'll go kill it right now," he placated, holding up the broom in a pacifying gesture, "Would you please put your zanpakuto away?"

Gin looked hesitant.

"What if it comes t'wards me?"

"It won't, Taichou," Kira said, like a parent soothing a frightened child, "Don't worry, I won't let it. Just _please_, sir."

His captain still didn't look particularly convinced but after a moment, slowly sheathed his sword.

Kira let out a breath that he hadn't even known he was holding.

"Thank you, Taichou. Actually, would you like to go wait outside sir, until I'm done?"

Gin shook his head rapidly.

"It's gonna crawl up my leg if I get down."

"What? Why would it…? Taichou, I've been standing here for a while now, and it hasn't crawled up_ my_ leg has it?"

Gin simply shook his head again.

Suppressing a sigh, Kira bent slightly to stick the broom under his desk, "Alright then."

With a quick sweep, a gale of dust was blown out the other side. Kira stared for a moment in disgust.

But before he could say anything on the sordid matter, the disheveled spider came tumbling out as well, effectively destroying whatever level of calm Gin had managed to regain like a trigger.

"KILL IT! KILL IT! KILL IT!"

Kira rushed to obey, slamming the broom down hard on the small black dot of a bug.

Smack!

A cloud of dust exploded into the air, flying into his eyes and nose.

Kira coughed and waved his hand around as Gin craned his neck for a better look over the dust.

"Ya got it, Izuru?"

"I.." Cough. Cough. "I think…" Cough. Cough. Wheeze. "I think…" Cough. Cough. Wheeze. Gasp.

"I think so. Ugh…Taichou, when was the last time the cleaner was in here?"

"Saa," Gin took a moment to stroke his chin thoughtfully, "'bout four months ago, I'm thinkin'"

Kira gaped at him.

"_Four months_? They're suppose to come every week!"

"Maa, Izuru, why does it even matter?" Gin whined, pouting slightly, "It ain't like it's dirty in here or nothin."

Kira stared incredulously at him, submerged to his neck in the dust cloud.

"That's jus' under yer desk. Who's gonna go lookin' under yer desk ta see if it's clean or not? Watch this."

Turning carefully on the chair, he gave the bookshelf behind his desk a clap on the top shelf. Kira's jaw dropped at the gray curtain of dust roused by the movement. (Though as soon as he did, a large amount of his dust cloud went pouring into his mouth, and he ended up sputtering and snapping his jaw shut again).

Gin's eyebrows raised as a mini cloud of the tiny particles formed around him as well.

He turned back to Kira after a brief, stuporous silence, "Ya see? Nothin' ta clean."

The elder shinigami crossed his arms, his usual smile reappearing on his face, which looked to Kira, quite complacent for a full-grown man cowering on a chair.

With a slightly exasperated sigh, he said no more on the matter and returned his gaze to the broom.

He had to wave his hands around a few more times, before the cloud cleared away enough for visibility. His eyes widened as it did.

Right there, sitting idly about an inch to the left of the broom, was the spider.

"Um…Taichou? I missed."

The smile faltered.

"What?" with one deft wave of his arm, the dust dispersed around Gin, and he craned his neck again to try to see over Kira's crouched form, "Where is it then?"

Kira didn't have time to answer, before the spider suddenly scurried around him and straight towards Gin.

Gin screamed bloody murder.

Kira whipped around so fast he almost tripped over his feet and chased after the fleeing insect, wielding the broom like a sword.

The terrified spider made a break for Gin's desk, before making an unexpected U-turn right when it got there, just as Kira slammed the broom down, missing it by a hairy leg's breadth.

A larger and thicker cloud of dust rose into the air as the stiff bristles of the broom accidentally swept over the underside of Gin's desk. Kira reeled as he was met with another face full of the suffocating particles.

Gin, taking this as a sign of the spider's decimation, quieted down.

"Did ya get it this time?" he asked warily to the tip of Kira's pale blonde hair, the only part of his assistant sticking out from the cloud.

His reply was a ton of coughing and spluttering, followed by a hand wildly sweeping the dust away. It was when the dust had finally settled enough that Kira became visible again.

"N-no, sir," he choked out, leaning slightly on the front of Gin's desk, "It dodged right before I could—"

"IT'S THERE!" Gin cut him off abruptly and stabbed a long white finger at the ground behind Kira.

Kira snapped his head around and saw the spider fleeing across the wooden floorboards towards his own desk again. With a resigned groan he followed.

The next few minutes that followed meant quite possibly the end of the Third Division's steady budget, as he knew it.

Kira's stomach wrung with nausea at the sound of vases rolling off shelves, the snapping of brushes under his feet, and whimpered quite plaintively when he accidentally scattered a large stack of beautiful, edited, proofread and _completed _mission reports.

But he didn't relent chasing the spider. He couldn't. Not when he knew it was frightening his captain so badly, to the point where he was virtually incapable of stepping on the office floor.

So Kira continued crashing haphazardly around the room with the broom, knocking over ceramics, stepping on important documents, and causing the general destruction of the once neat and tidy office.

Part of him was crying in despair and part of him was already panicking over how exactly he was going to explain the large, metaphorical hole he would soon be making in the Gotei spreadsheet.

_I apologize, Yamamoto-soutaichou. You see, I accidentally broke all of those priceless antiques while chasing after a spider, as my captain refused to come down from his chair until it was eliminated from the office._

Yeah, like _that _wasn't going to get them both incased in a coffin of flames.

As for Gin, he didn't seem even remotely concerned about all the damage his assistant was causing to the office or the spreadsheet, though really, Kira hadn't expected him to.

The elder shinigami simply watched anxiously, devoid of any thoughts save for the removal of the demonic little thing (preferably in a swift and permanent way).

It was finally a good who-knows-how-long later that Kira managed to nab the spider. With a loud slam, Kira brought down the broom's head on the unfortunate bug, as it tried to crawl behind a cardboard box full of broken inkstones, situated in the back corner of the room.

Kira blinked, panting slightly.

Slowly, he turned towards his captain, his finger's clenching the broom handle tightly.

"Taichou, I got it."

There was lengthy pause in reply where Gin stared dumbly at him, as though he'd already given up on ever hearing those words.

And then, a wide grin stretched across his face.

"Knew I could count on ya," he said approvingly, making Kira's heart soar despite the utter mess he was now standing in.

"I'll get rid of it right away sir," Kira said, wanting to quickly get his captain down from the chair, so they could start going over the story they'd be telling Yamamoto.

Because the damage had been done and Kira was just going to have to face the fact that there was really no other relatively safe way out of this.

Not to mention it would be a _very _unpleasant experience if they both went in with two different versions of what happened, because he was almost entirely sure that his captain was going to lie regardless. He was loyal not suicidal.

Bending down, he lifted the broom up and set it down next to him. A small wave of pity swept through him as he gazed at the spider's mangled corpse. It had only managed to sidle halfway behind the cardboard box, before falling victim to the broom.

Standing, Kira quickly walked back to his desk and tore off a small piece of paper from the pad in his drawer. Then he went back, bending down again and gingerly lifted the box.

What he saw made his blood run cold.

There were hundreds.

Here, in this insignificant corner, lay clusters of tiny spiders, nestled together in black clumps over a thick white web. And resting only a few centimeters away from them was one of the largest and hairiest spider he'd ever had the misfortune of seeing.

Kira fought the urge to drop the box like a lump of hot coal, not wanting to risk startling them.

Very carefully, he set the box down again and for a moment, simply stared at the broken inkstones inside. Part of him vaguely wondered why he hadn't just thrown them away, instead of shoving them in a box and leaving them here.

With a deep shuddery breath, he stood up and turned toward his captain.

"T-taichou," he croaked and Gin looked back at him, eyebrows quirked, "I think we're going to have to call the pest control."

There was a moment of eerie silence after that, where a significant amount of color leeched from Gin's pale face.

Then suddenly, he took a breath.

And then a shorter one.

And a shorter one.

And a shorter one.

And a shorter one.

Kira's heart leapt into his throat.

Within the blink of an eye, he was up on the chair with his captain.

"Taichou." he said, forcing himself to calm as he looked up at the gasping man, "Taichou, it's alright. I'll go call pest control to get rid of them. They'll never come back here again. It'll be fine. Everything's going to be fine."

Too worried and bewildered to care about formalities at the moment, Kira placed his hands on Gin's shoulders reassuringly.

"Breathe, Taichou," he encouraged gently, "It's okay, just calm down. Breathe."

It took another moment or two more of reassuring, before Gin's hitched gasps gradually smoothed back into his normal breathing rate. Kira watched with concern as Gin took two deep breaths.

"We're burnin' the box after this," were the first coherent words out of his mouth.

Kira sighed quietly in relief and nodded. It was already quite clear that he was going to have to get rid of the nest immediately.

"Izuru."

"Yes, Taichou?"

"Ya can let go of me now."

And at those words, Kira suddenly realized all over again that the man his hands were clamped on at the moment was both his captain and superior.

With a mortified yelp, Kira released Gin as if burnt and scrambled off the chair.

"My deepest apologies, sir!" he exclaimed, bowing so low his nose practically touched the floor.

Had they'd been in any other situation, Gin would've been terribly amused, and probably poked fun at Kira's humiliation as well. But he was in no mood for jokes at the moment and waved off his apology without a word.

Kira stood up hesitantly when it was clear there was going to be no teasing. It made him wonder slightly just how deeply rooted his captain's fear was.

But then he pushed the thought harshly out of his head. It wasn't any of his business and he certainly wouldn't be pressing Gin for any answers.

He hurried back over to his desk again.

Rummaging anxiously in the drawers for a moment, Kira made a small noise of success as he raised up what he was after. It was a decent sized glass jar filled with exquisitely carved ink brushes.

Kira dumped them unceremoniously onto his desk and tucked the jar under his arm. Shuffling across the vase shards that littered the floor, he walked up to the box.

And then he simply stood there, hesitating.

"Ichimaru-taichou," he finally murmured, turning around to face the man, who was regarding the glass jar under his arm with extreme suspicion, "I'm going to try to trap the large one in the jar."

Gin's eyebrow's disappeared into his silver hairline, in what Kira supposed, was his captain's own version of wide eyes.

"There's…a large one?"

"I'm going to get rid of it though," Kira quickly reassured as the man looked dangerously close to hyperventilating again, "Taichou, I'm getting rid of it."

He paused indecisively before explaining.

"The pest control squad like to have a specimen, so they know what type of equipment to bring for certain species."

Gin panicked expression turned befuddled, but he calmed down again and nodded. Kira breathed another quiet sigh of relief.

Frankly, he had no idea if the pest control squad needed a specimen or not. He just wanted it out of the room.

Because if even the miniscule spiders were scaring Gin onto chairs then Kira didn't even want to think about how he'd react to the sight of the _big _spider.

The best case scenario was that he panicked and blasted a giant hole in the office wall with his zanpakuto. The _best _case scenario.

"You might…you might want to turn around Taichou. It's…it's pretty big."

Gin turned around before he'd even finished his words.

Gulping, Kira turned his attention back to the box with a sudden sense of unease. He had been so busy worrying about his captain that he almost forgot that he wasn't _entirely _comfortable with luring out a spider the size of his fist.

_Okay, shake it off. _He thought, taking a deep breath._ Just grab it and put it in the jar. Don't panic halfway through. There's no reason to panic. Stay calm. Stay calm._

With that, Kira gathered what courage he could find, and lifted up the box again, his skin crawling at the sight.

In the end, he panicked anyway and accidentally dropped the jar when he'd managed to scare the spider up the wall. Stumbling after it, he bumped into the wall, jarring it. Kira's eyes widened as the spider plummeted from the wall, the vibrations also jostling the smaller spiders and scattering them.

Fortunately, after a clumsy scuffle, he succeeded in catching it in the jar. Kira slammed the lid over the opening as the spider tried vainly to climb up its glass prison.

"Yatta," he whispered to himself, and threw a quick glance at the smaller ones to see that were simply regrouping back into their little clumps.

Pushing the box back into place, Kira wisely held the jar behind his back as he looked towards his captain.

"I got it, Taichou, you can turn around now," he stated, and waited for Gin to face him before continuing, "I'll be back as soon as I can."

Gin blanched a paper white, as if the thought of being left alone with the insects hadn't occurred to him.

"It'll only take a few minutes," Kira said comfortingly, noting the apprehension on his captain's face with slight concern, "Please just stay there and don't worry."

Walking in front of Gin's desk, Kira turned and looked up at his captain earnestly, "Don't worry, Taichou."

Gin stared back for a moment, before nodding slowly.

"I'll be waitin' then."

Kira bowed and hurried out the door.

He knew the pest control squad didn't have an office, and were usually found at the place they'd last worked via announcement during the lieutenant meetings.

With Yoruichi-rivaling speed, Kira shunpoed towards the Tenth Division office.

* * *

Considering the sizable distance between the Third and Tenth Division, Kira was understandably quite distraught by the time he arrived and burst into the office without bothering to knock.

"Please excuse the interruption!" he exclaimed, by way of warning and greeting.

Hitsugaya, startled by the sudden appearance, jumped three inches clean off his chair.

"WHAT THE HELL?"

"Hitsugaya-taichou!" Kira replied quickly, and rushed over to the white-haired boy—half relieved that someone was in and half terrified over how the Tenth Division captain might react to his blatant disregard of manners.

But Hitsugaya's eyebrows only furrowed peevishly as he landed back into his chair, as though he was already use to such spontaneous intrusions.

"Kira," he said flatly, with more annoyance than true anger, "I trust you still remember how to knock?"

Kira cringed at the slight scolding and immediately bowed.

"My deepest apologies, Hitsugaya-taichou, but it's an emergency!"

Hitsugaya arched an eyebrow at his urgent tone and leaned back into his chair.

"Why did you come _here _then? Where's Ichimaru?"

"But that's just it, sir! I came here, because I need the extermination squad!"

"The extermination squad?" Hitsugaya echoed confusedly, and for a horrifying moment looked like he had no idea what Kira was talking about, before understanding dawned on his face, "You mean those three masked idiots from Twelfth Division?"

"Yes, yes!" Kira nodded rapidly, "Yes, those three masked idi—no, I mean the extermination squad! Do you know where they are, sir?"

"Probably in the barracks somewhere, all they do is laze around," Hitsugaya replied irritably, and gave Kira a strange look, "Don't tell me you actually have an infestation. It's almost impossible to get one in Soul Society."

Kira responded to that by sheepishly lifting up the jar he was carrying.

Hitsugaya practically fell off his chair.

"WHAT IS THA—"

"Taichou!" a bubbly voice suddenly interrupted, "The tea is ready!"

Kira and Hitsugaya both turned simultaneously towards the voice as a strawberry-blonde woman bounced into the room. She stopped short when she saw them and blinked in surprise.

"Kira?"

Kira scratched his head lightly.

"Hello, Matsumoto-san."

"What are you doing here?" she asked confusedly, sauntering over to them and placing the teacup down on Hitsugaya's desk.

"He's here for pest control," Hitsugaya said before he could answer, reaching for the cup, "The dumbasses you called over to get rid of the ants in your room."

"Oh, them!" she exclaimed, snapping her fingers in recognition and looking quite happy with herself, "And it's a good thing I did too. We barely avoided an infestation."

Kira flinched slightly when Hitsugaya spat the tea he'd just drank right back out again.

"What infestation?" he sputtered incredulously, "There were like two ants!"

"They were laying eggs, Taichou," Rangiku replied sagely.

"They were _not _laying eggs!"

"Yes they were, they were just too small to see, remember?"

"No, I don't! All I remember is how much they charged!"

"Oh, are you still mad about that? It wasn't _that _much."

"Not that…! Do you even know how much it cost? I had to pay—"

"EXCUSE ME!" Kira shouted, effectively cutting them off.

There was moment of silence as Hitsugaya and Rangiku turned to him with blank stares as if they'd completely forgotten he was even there.

Kira blushed a deep scarlet. "I-I apologize, but I really need to speak with them immediately," he stuttered, and accidentally dropped the jar on Hitsugaya's desk in his nervousness.

He found himself stammering out apologies again as Hitsugaya flung backwards in his chair, cursing. Beside him, Rangiku's eyes unnoticeably widened.

"Is _that _what you're infested with?" she asked, pointing at the large spider struggling inside.

Kira nodded glumly and quickly set the jar back onto his lap.

"I found a nest in the back corner of the office."

Hitsugaya looked visibly disgusted at that piece of unwanted knowledge, though Rangiku, unexpectedly, seemed bemused.

Kira watched in confusion as something almost nostalgic appeared in the woman's icy blue eyes.

"So where's Gin?" she asked, suddenly serious and almost somber.

Kira stared, wondering if he had heard correctly. Across from him, Hitsugaya's scowl deepened even further with disdain, but he only made a small, resigned sigh.

"He's…at the office," Kira said slowly, after a moment.

The words had barely left his mouth before a slender hand had clamped down on his wrist. With a startled yelp, Kira was dragged away from Hitsugaya's desk and towards the door.

"I'll be back later, Taichou," Rangiku called over her shoulder, sliding the door open.

"Where are you going?" Hitsugaya asked with disinterest, though he sounded like he already knew.

"Nowhere really," she replied, and pulled the astonished Kira out into the sunlight, "Just going on my break."

"Like you don't get enough breaks already," he muttered as the door closed, but didn't call her back.

He would never understand what she saw in that fox-faced man.

* * *

"M-Matsumoto-san," Kira stammered, stumbling after the voluptuous woman, his wrist still in her vice grip, "Please wait, Matsumoto-san. I still need to call the pest control squad."

But she didn't slow and continued dragging him along the pathway out the Tenth Division gate.

"He's still in there isn't he." she said instead, not so much asking than stating.

"Wh-What?"

"Gin. He's still in the office."

Kira gaped at her with utter bewilderment.

"H-how…how did you…?"

"So he is then," she nodded to herself and sighed almost fondly, "Geez, I thought he got over this years ago."

"W-wait," Kira stuttered, his poor mind boggling, "This has happened _before_?"

"You know you're going to have to get him out of the room first," Rangiku said, blatantly ignoring him, "How do you expect them to exterminate anything with someone still inside?"

It was a question he couldn't answer and Kira felt the blood rush to his face for the third time that day.

"What should I do then?" he asked helplessly, "It's not like he'll come off that chair on his own."

"You mean, not _willingly_."

"Ex…Excuse me?"

Rangiku simply turned and winked at him, a small smile playing on her face.

Kira felt a slow dread coming over him as she tugged him further down the path.

* * *

"Are…are you sure this will work, Matsumoto-san?" Kira asked, sounding not all too thrilled as they walked pass the Third Division gates.

"Positive," Rangiku said confidently, "All you have to do is distract him and keep his attention on you. I'll take care of the rest."

Kira gave her a mixed look of nervousness and curiosity.

"What are you going to do?"

Instead of replying, she smiled secretively and took the jar that Kira still had tucked under his armpit. Kira watched with alarm as she twisted the lid off, eyes widening to the size of dinner plates when she tilted the jar sideways and let the spider crawl not only out, but straight onto her palm.

"You'll find out soon," she said, in a tone that could mean nothing good, "Just go."

Kira sent her a clear 'have you lost your mind?' look, but sighed when she only stared back pointedly.

Miserably, he trudged up the stairs to the office door. To think, it'd only been a few hours since he'd even left his bed this morning.

He sighed again.

Slowly, he slid open the door.

"So screw Hueco Mundo, screw Aizen and screw world domination, I don't care anymore, just get me outta of—"

The words died in Gin's mouth when he heard the door. With his hand clenched on the hilt of his sword, and after a dubious moment turned slowly around with a big fake grin.

Kira walked in cautiously, a vaguely alarmed looked on his face.

"…Taichou?"

"Izuru! How was yer trip?"

"It was…._what _were you talking about?"

"What? I jus' asked if ya got the squad or not?"

"No, I mean before."

"I wasn't talkin' before."

Kira boggled, "What? B-but I heard you say something about Hueco Mundo and Aizen-taichou and….and world domination!"

"…Ya feelin' alright, Izuru?"

Kira wasn't all too sure himself at this point.

"I…" he trailed off dead, when he caught Rangiku coming in out of the corner of his eye, both her hands cupped loosely over something. Her posture was bent like a cat ready to pounce, and Kira blushed when he saw a rather generous portion of her assets spilling from her front.

Rangiku's eyes widened when she caught him staring and gestured wildly for him to turn away.

"Somethin' the matter?" Gin asked, head tilted slightly to the side.

"Uh, nothing!" Kira replied, averting his eyes quickly and offering a shaky smile, "Nothing's the matter, sir!"

He caught Rangiku giving him a thumbs up in approval from the corner of his eye again and almost groaned. He was already beginning to regret this.

_Alright, definitely regretting this now, _he thought, paling considerably as he saw Rangiku skulking silently towards Gin.

"Izuru," Gin said, eyebrows furrowed slightly in confusion, "Yer changin' colors faster than underwear."

Kira made a small noncommittal sound, watching with a slightly awed expression as the buxom 10th division lieutenant drew closer to his oblivious captain.

Truth be told, part of him was kind of impressed that she could sneak up behind a captain without being noticed.

Though granted, Gin wasn't exactly in the best state of mind at the moment either.

But all that flew clean out of his head a second later, after Rangiku had situated herself directly behind Gin.

With a playful wink, she opened her hands, revealing the spider sitting comfortably in her palms, before looking up at Gin dubiously.

Kira's eyes practically popped out of his skull.

"Izuru?" Gin regarded him with bemusement, painfully unaware, "What's goin' on? If there's somethin' on my face, jus' tell me."

But Kira didn't have time to reply, before Rangiku was suddenly on the chair.

With a shocking boldness, she threw her arms over his captain's shoulders. Kira's jaw dropped in disbelief when she thrust the spider in her hands right in front of Gin's face.

"Gin! Look at this neat spider I caught!"

* * *

"That," Kira said, staring down woefully at his captain's bedside, "Was a horrible idea, Matsumoto-san."

"What? I got him out of the office, didn't I?" Rangiku said nonchalantly, walking back into the room with a small bag of ice.

Kira stared incredulously at her as she placed the bag gently on Gin's forehead.

"I can't believe you just held it right in his face like that!"

She shrugged, "It worked, didn't it?"

"He _fainted!_"

"Well I was kind of hoping he would, or else that whole thing would've been pointless," Rangiku replied carelessly, plopping down next to her astonished colleague, "Either way, no harm done. Well, except for that nasty bump he got when he fell off the chair."

Kira pinched the bridge of his nose hard.

"I seriously thought he was going to have a heart attack."

Rangiku snorted. "Are you sure about that?" She teased, her eyes twinkling, "Looked more to me like _you _were the one who was going to have a heart attack."

Kira spluttered indignantly.

"You didn't even see his face!"

Rangiku let out a light-hearted laugh, "Calm down! I swear, you worry too much, Kira!"

"I have every right to worry if my captain is on the edge of cardiac arrest, Matsumoto-san!"

"I telling you, he'll be fine." Rangiku said, waving her hand idly, "It's your office I'd be worried about if I were you. My God, what happened in there? No wonder spiders nested the place."

"Ah, yes, _that_. Well you see, I was actually chasing this one….wait, what did you say?"

"You should be worried about your office?"

"No, no, the last thing."

"No wonder spiders nested the place?"

"Yes, what do you mean by that?"

"Well, were you even in there? There was dust everywhere! I still can't believe you didn't notice all the cobwebs until you actually got an infestation."

"So that's it!" Kira suddenly exclaimed, a heavy scowl overcoming his features, "Taichou told me the cleaner hasn't come in four months!"

Rangiku's eyes widened, "The cleaner?"

"How irresponsible! You mean, this whole thing could have been avoided if he had just simply done his job!" Kira ranted angrily, before suddenly leaping to his feet, "I'm going to report him!"

Rangiku grabbed his wrist before he could move any further away.

"No Kira, don't," she said, suddenly looking remarkably awkward, "He's…he's been doing his job."

"What are you talking about, Matsumoto-san? If he'd been doing his job, then all the dust would've been cleaned out ages ago."

"Oh, he's been cleaning alright," she said, her eyes darting back towards Gin's unconscious form, "Just…not exactly dust."

"What are you talking…" he trailed off as it clicked into place.

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…oh god."

Yes, it was definitely one of T_hose Days_.


End file.
